Its in the bag

TSA agents and other airport security recently removed Ognjen Milatovic from a Boston to D.C. flight after other passengers reported hearing strange noises coming from a plastic bag in his carry-on luggage. The University of North Florida mathematics and statistics professor was cuffed as he was talking on his cell phone. His bag contained a set of keys, a bagel with cream cheese, some other small food items, a hat and a wallet.

Security Threat?

Holiday travel was halted on Tuesday at the Lafayette, Louisiana Regional Airport after TSA agents discovered a suspicious package. X-ray images of protruding wires sent agents scrambling. The package was opened and contained a frozen chicken and a head lamp. Bomb sniffing dogs were used to make sure the package did not contain anything dangerous. Officials said the chicken was stuffed with crawfish and that the wires coming from the lamp made the package look suspicious

Other Side of the Coin

Transportation Security Administration (TSA) agents are complaining about having to do patdowns on obese travelers and stinky people. One agent, who asked not to be identified, told the BoardingArea blog, "It is not comfortable to come to work knowing full well that my hands will be feeling another man’s private parts, their butt, their inner thigh. Even worse is having to try and feel inside the flab rolls of obese passengers and we seem to get a lot of obese passengers!" Another guard says, "When a woman refuses the scanner then comes to me and tells me that she feels like I am molesting her, that is beyond verbal abuse. 'I asked the woman if she thought I like touching other women all day and she told me that I probably did or I wouldn’t be with the TSA."

The Transportation Security Administration is advertising for screener positions on pizza boxes. TSA agents are being criticized for not changing their rubber gloves enough.

See Right Through You

A porn star, who goes by the name Furrygirl, stunned TSA agents the other day when she wore see-through underwear for her patdown. Before her striptease she Tweeted, “I’m a frequent flier who logs about 30,000 miles a year for business and pleasure. While literally millions of people have already seen naked photos of me, for most folks, the idea of complete strangers seeing them naked is a scary and embarrassing prospect. I’m about to leave for the airport where I’m going to get my very first TSA ‘grope down.’ Your first time is very special, so you can record it and put it on the Internet for people to make fun of.”

TSA Bad-As

The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) is warning that any would-be commercial airline passenger who enters an airport checkpoint and then refuses to undergo the method of inspection designated by TSA will not be allowed to fly and also will not be permitted to simply leave the airport. Anyone refusing faces fines up to $11,000 and possible arrest.