What the Hell Theater

A family from Oxfordshire, England are believers after their pet hamster rose from the dead on Easter Sunday. The Sun reports dad Dave Eyley broke out the shovel when he found the pet's "cold and lifeless" body in his cage. But the four-year old rodent named Rhino dug itself out of his two-foot grave and was found "scampering around the garden" by a neighbor the very next day -- which happened to be Easter Sunday. Eyley said of the seeming miracle: "He had rigor mortis when I buried him -- and now he’s running about. He’s a plucky little soul and seems unaffected by being dead and buried." The newspaper reports hamsters can hibernate if they get cold enough, and a hibernating hamster would appear dead until it's warmed up. With the pet reborn, the family re-named him: Jesus.

A 56-year-old Modesto, California man was hospitalized last Wednesday after managing to shoot himself without a gun. The Modesto Bee reports cops were called to a residence in response to a victim who said he'd been shot in the shoulder -- when he dropped a weight on a stray .22 caliber bullet. Cops searched the home and their investigation didn't turn up a weapon -- or any reports of a suspect fleeing the scene -- but they did find a crushed rimfire cartridge: the victim apparently dropped the weight on the shell, triggering the bullet's primer, sending the slug into the man's arm. Investigators closed the case, saying the man's story was improbable, but not impossible.

What the Hell Theater

A woman in China got herself in a sticky situation when a massage machine she'd been using to relieve neck pain became hopelessly entangled in her hair. When the woman's family failed to free her, firemen were called to the scene, but they couldn't free her either. They eventually spent two hours dismantling the machine while it was still attached to the woman's head. Unfortunately for the woman, her ordeal was caught on video and is going viral. But overall, she got off lucky. In 2010, a female doctor was strangled to death when her necklace got tangled in a neck massager, which was subsequently recalled.

A 20-year-old Fort Wayne, Indiana man has a court date Thursday stemming from reportedly trying to pull over a pair of off-duty cops last week. WANE reports Chadwyck Voegeli allegedly activated flashing red and blue lights on a cellphone app and laughed as he motioned to the still-moving car, which, unfortunately for him, contained the two officers. When one of the cops displayed a badge, Voegeli reportedly drove off, but the lawmen followed him into a bar. After a short foot chase, uniformed officers who were called to the scene eventually arrested him for impersonating a cop and resisting arrest.

What the Hell Theater

A 35-year-old Kansas man was arrested on drug possession charges late Monday evening after accidentally including a bag full of meth with the wad of cash he gave a Pizza Hut delivery driver. The Wichita Eagle reports the 22-year-old driver called the cops after she found the baggie, and directed officers to the hotel room to which she delivered the food. Cops arrested the unidentified man, and also reportedly found more methamphetamine and also cocaine in the room.

A would-be passenger at Denver International Airport gave fellow flyers an eyeful Tuesday morning when she decided to strip naked. According to airport spokeswoman Jenny Schiavone, the unidentified woman was admonished for having a cigarette in a no-smoking section near an airline gate. Shortly thereafter, and apparently for no reason, the woman took off all of her clothing and approached a security desk to ask for a new boarding pass KDVR-TV reports. She was instead taken by Denver Police to a hospital for evaluation.

What the Hell Theater

An Australian pilot radioed a mayday and was forced to make an emergency landing last Thursday when a snake popped out of his dashboard and slithered down his leg. Braden Blennerhassett safely brought his twin-engine Beechcraft Baron G58 down at an airport in Darwin after telling an air traffic controller, "We've got a snake on board," reports the UK Guardian. "As the plane was landing, the snake was crawling down my leg, which was frightening," a shaken Blennerhassett admitted. Ground crews were unable to find the snake after he landed, even trying to coax the reptile out into the open with a mouse to no avail. Based on the pilot's description, the snake was thought to be a non-venomous golden tree snake.

A British chef who was nearly stabbed to death when his fellow gourmand girlfriend stuck a knife into his back while he slept has not fully recovered from the attack last December, but he's still in love. The UK Daily Mail reports Gregory Todd, 48, brought a diamond ring to the court Monday to propose to Tiffany Baillie, 32, who is facing 12 years in prison for attempted murder. He claims the attack occurred following a drunken argument, and Baillie was distraught after suffering a miscarriage a year after their 10-week-old son died. Said Todd, "If somebody I didn't know stabbed me in the street, I would want them hung, drawn and quartered. But I don't hold this against her at all. Seeing her in prison is my worst nightmare." The chef must wait until Wednesday to find out if she will say yes -- when she has another court date.

What the Hell Theater

No thank you, Easter bunny! Some British children searching for sweets during a recent Easter egg hunt in Holford, Somerset, found a hand grenade instead, reports the UK tabloid The Sun. Local police notified the bomb squad after kids located the live explosive in a grassy field. A local preschool group had organized the event for about 25 children, and one of them was spotted literally standing on the object. Stuart Moffatt, whose daughters were participating in the event, explained, "We were beginning to count the eggs up at the end of the hunt and I saw a young boy, around three years old, standing on an object. On closer inspection we realized it looked like a hand grenade. It was brown and about three or four inches high." The children were quickly moved away from the area and a bomb disposal team safely destroyed the grenade.

A Florida woman was arrested Tuesday after police say she pulled down her "hot pink" pants and exposed her buttocks to children on a public school bus in Fellsmere, reports TCPalm.com. Tammy Ann Roseman, who is 39 years old, now faces a misdemeanor charge of disorderly conduct. According to the affidavit, the bus driver "observed her begin to unbutton her pants. Passengers began screaming, while some began covering their eyes with their hands." Roseman is no stranger to local police in Brevard County. In addition to mooning a bus, her rap sheet includes cocaine possession, grand theft auto, loitering and prowling, disorderly intoxication, obstructing a highway, trespassing, burglary, and prostitution lewdness.

What the Hell Theater

One man's gun became another man's pain in the butt this week in Margate, Florida. The Miami Herald reports when an employee of a pawn shop stepped out of the store Tuesday evening, he left his semiautomatic Glock .40 caliber handgun on top of a counter. A co-worker saw the gun, thought it was an item for sale and tried to place it in a showcase. Unfortunately, that's when the gun accidentally fired and struck a third employee. The bullet entered the employee's right buttock and exited his front pelvic area, but he's expected to recover. Police are investigating the incident.

A server at a Minnesota has filed suit in district court to try to get back a nearly 12 thousand dollar tip she says a customer wanted her to keep. The woman recently waited on a female customer who left a "to-go" box behind when she left her table at the Fryn' Pan restaurant in Moorhead. When the waitress followed the customer out to tell her she'd left the box behind, the customer reportedly said to her, "No, I am good; you keep it," according to the Duluth News Tribune. When the waitress opened the box she found the fortune in mixed bills. Although the waitress, a mother of five, desperately needed the money, she called the cops -- who said the money smelled of pot, and confiscated it, telling her she'd need to wait 90 days to get it back if nobody claimed it. Nobody did, but Moorhead Police officials are saying the money is part of a drug investigation, and aren't giving the money back. The waitress' lawyer says cops had no right to keep the dough.

What the Hell Theater

The driver of a street sweeper who was called by cops to clean an Albuquerque, New Mexico accident scene Friday left quite a mess behind, after he rammed a police car in an apparent alcohol-induced crash. The Albuquerque Journal reports 59-year-old Herbert Morgan's sweeper struck a Bernalillo County deputy's patrol car at the scene of the earlier accident, and when cops asked him to step out of the vehicle, he appeared to be intoxicated. Cops say Morgan admitted he had "four cans" when asked if he'd had any alcohol. He allegedly flunked a breathalyzer test. Morgan was arrested on suspicion of DWI. He already has two prior DWI convictions, the paper reports.

A co-pastor of a church in Varina, Virginia is in hot water after allegedly causing not one but two car accidents on Tuesday. According to WWBT-TV, 47-year-old pastor Jay Bertrand struck a painter on a ladder before slamming into a Richmond Krispy Kreme store. The painter suffered minor injuries. Cops say just hours after he was released from the hospital, Bertrand got behind the wheel of his wife's car, and reportedly rear-ended a woman's vehicle. She reportedly wasn't injured. Bertrand's family says he suffers from back issues, and a spasm caused the first accident. The family says side-effects of his medication caused the second crash. Bertrand is facing reckless driving charges for the first wreck and DUI charges for the second accident. He allegedly has no memory of the second crash.

What the Hell Theater

Mayonnaise isn't the healthiest condiment, but Transportation Security Administration (TSA) officials say an airline passenger wanted to make it even more harmful. On Tuesday, TSA agents confiscated a jar of mayo into which a passenger had allegedly hidden a knife and attempted to smuggle it onto his flight at New York's Kennedy Airport, Fox News reports. Apparently unbeknownst to the would-be smuggler, mayo falls into the liquid/gel category. Only three ounce portions of such substances are allowed in carry-on bags, so his jar of mayonnaise wouldn't have cut the mustard with the TSA even if there was no knife hidden in it. The passenger was apparently allowed to catch his flight.

A Tennessee woman was arrested after making a pair of calls to 911 because she wasn't happy with her Hardee's burger. According to the criminal complaint posted by The Smoking Gun, 50-year-old Donna Marie Nichols was arrested and jailed for misusing the emergency number last Thursday. In her calls to the dispatcher, she asked for a police officer to come to her location and help rectify her "nasty" tasting burger. "[T]he food is no good," Nichols is heard on the 911 call. "I only took a small bite out of the burger and it’s nasty." When a cop arrived and she reiterated her complaint, and her desire to get a refund, she was arrested. Nichols posted bail Tuesday and was released.

What the Hell Theater

Police in Nottinghamshire, England were red-faced last week after effecting a rescue of a dog trapped in a hot car -- only to find the animal was really a stuffed animal. The UK Sun reports the car's 80-year-old owner, Gordon Williams, found the back window of his parked vehicle smashed, and a handwritten note from the cops saying, "Smashed your window re concern for animal on rear seat." It seems a concerned passerby called the cops, fearing for the dog's welfare, and when officers couldn't "wake" the apparently unconscious King Charles Spaniel, they resorted to more extreme measures. The newspaper says the police force has since promised to compensate the car owner for their mistake. "I guess they felt like idiots," Mr. Williams said.

The Honda Civic has earned high marks from auto publications for years for its roominess for its size; something three men arrested in Carlsbad, New Mexico early Friday morning apparently knew well. The trio was stopped by cops for speeding, but when a police officer got closer to their vehicle, he noticed they had a passenger: a 220-pound calf sharing the backseat, reports the Carlsbad Current-Argus. Jose Coronado, 26, Gerardo Gonzalez-Balderas, 20 and Salvador Balderas-Gonzalez, 23, were arrested for larceny of livestock, conspiracy, lack of a bill of sale and exporting livestock, the paper reports. Two of the charges are felonies.

What the Hell Theater

A 28-year-old Chinese woman apparently really didn't want to be disturbed when taking an afternoon nap, so she found a nice, private spot: a narrow ledge five stories off the ground. The UK Sun reports Yan Yan Ch'eng's nap on the building in Yiwu, in China's Zhejiang province became positively death-defying when she rolled over in her sleep -- and somehow managed to grab an edge before plummeting to her likely death. Emergency services managed to assemble in time to snatch the dangling woman to safety.

The actions of a 59-year-old Des Moines man are under investigation by the police department, after he was caught on video surveillance urinating on the office chairs of female co-workers. According to the Des Moines Register, employees of the Farm Bureau had been complaining of stains on their chairs starting in the fall of last year. Eventually, cameras were installed in February to find out who was responsible, and they soon found a male who relieved himself on various co-workers based on their appearances in an employee database. He allegedly targeted the chairs of the more attractive females. He was fired after the footage turned up last week. Cops are seeing if criminal charges are applicable. Damage to the chairs was estimated at $4,500.

What the Hell Theater

An Israeli man who was taken into custody after causing a disturbance in his apartment is facing new charges for biting a police dog. The Jerusalem Post reports the man continued to be hostile at the police station, and eventually "pounced" on a police dog, clamping down on the German Shepherd's ear. The paper reports officers had to forcibly pry the suspect's jaws apart to free the canine cop, which was treated for minor injuries to its ear. The suspect could be charged with assaulting a police officer for attacking the dog.

Police need the public's help to catch a woman in Culpeper, Virginia who allegedly stole $1,600 worth of cosmetic facial injections on March 9th. WUSA-TV reports say the suspect, said to be in her 50s, gave a fake name and address to the staff before slipping out of the office following her treatments. She's apparently still at large and likely looking fabulous. The suspect is between 5'4" and 5'8" tall, between 150 to 170 pounds, and has "whitish blond hair," according to staffers. Surveillance cameras caught her driving a gray four-door Chevrolet sedan.

What the Hell Theater

A bank teller in West Palm Beach, Florida apparently used a Jedi mind trick against a would-be robber last week that led to his arrest. According to CBS 12, a 59-year-old man walked into the Sabadell United Bank last Tuesday, and allegedly told the teller he was armed, and he wanted cash in the beer-filled grocery bag he handed to her. The bank employee pretended to comply, telling the suspect, later identified as Robert Henderson, to have a seat while she got the cash together. In the meantime, she sounded a silent alarm, and stalled Henderson enough to give cops time to respond. Henderson was arrested as soon as he stepped outside the bank, and all the cash recovered.

An 83-year-old woman from Queens, New York wants a million bucks from Apple, after she said she recently smashed her face into the transparent door of an Apple Store on Long Island, New York, breaking her nose. According to the New York Post, Evelyn Paswell says Apple's aesthetic is potentially deadly for old people. The attorney who filed her lawsuit, Derek T. Smith, told the Post, "Apple wants to be cool and modern and have the type of architecture that would appeal to the tech crowd, but on the other hand, they have to appreciate the danger that this high-tech modern architecture poses to some people.” Paswell claimed to The Post that she sees well enough to drive.

What the Hell Theater

A "massively drunk" groom who started a fire at a UK castle on the night his wedding last June was sentenced Wednesday to six years in prison. The BBC reports Max Kay, 37, from Liverpool, admitted he started the fire after an argument with the venue's managers when they wouldn't open a bar tab for him -- because he owed them a balance of more than $17 thousand dollars for his wedding. It took more than 100 firefighters to tackle the blaze at the Peckforton Castle Hotel in Tarporley. Although nearly 120 men, women, and children were forced to evacuate, no one was hurt -- but the fire caused more than $7 million dollars in damage.

The Denver District Attorney's office has slapped a woman with two felonies after she admitted on a radio show she acted crazy to get out of jury duty. KDVR reports 54-year-old Susan Cole called into a show last October and boasted on air about how she acted mentally unstable to get dismissed from her civic duty back in June of 2011. Cole's ruse -- and her claim to the judge she suffered post-traumatic stress disorder in the military -- worked. Although she was dismissed, Cole landed in hot water when the D.A.'s office figured out she was the caller based on her on-air description of her behavior. An arrest warrant was issued, and she's expected to be booked this week.

What the Hell Theater

Johnson County, Iowa deputies were called to a residence early Monday morning but soon found themselves in what could have passed for an episode of 24 -- that is, if Jack Bauer was drunk and naked. The Press-Citizen reports cops found 41-year-old William T. Bliss, naked, “excited,” and exhibiting signs of intoxication. He told deputies four men forced him to handle a nuclear bomb at his residence. The paper says Bliss then took off running, leading to a pursuit that left a deputy injured. He later admitted he'd been drinking all day. He was slapped with multiple charges, including interference with official acts causing bodily injury, and public intoxication, a simple misdemeanor. Perhaps not surprisingly, no nuke was found.

A fight between a husband and wife in Ann Arbor on Friday took a tropical twist when he allegedly knocked her out by hitting her in the head with a thrown pineapple. AnnArbor.com reports the unidentified woman, 34, was sent to the hospital to recover, but remained tight-lipped as to how she got there. Hospital staff called cops to notify them of a possible assault, and police discovered evidence at the couple's home of a physical fight. The alleged victim has reportedly declined to cooperate with investigators, but cops are still seeking an arrest warrant for her 42-year-old husband, who also wasn't identified.

What the Hell Theater

A Memphis, Tennessee police officer accused of having sex in his squad car while on duty is facing some damning evidence: an accidental recording of the act in progress. According to MyFoxMemphis, between 8:45 and 9 p.m. last Monday night, officer Dion Anthony accidentally activated either his shoulder-mounted microphone or the one installed in every cop car. The Fox affiliate reports that not only did nearly 35 cops on the police band hear officer Anthony's arresting actions, but anyone with a police scanner could have listened in as well. Anthony was relieved of duty a day after his broadcast. An investigation is pending.

After releasing surveillance footage of a suspect who allegedly used a WiFi signal to stream porn onto TVs at a Best Buy last month, police in Greenville, South Carolina say they have their man. Robert Matthew Holden turned himself in after a warrant was issued for his arrest, according to WYFF-TV. Cops say Holden admitted he didn't think his actions on March 9th were a crime, but a "prank" -- one that was reportedly seen by families and Best Buy employees alike. Holden was charged with misdemeanor disorderly conduct. He faces up to 30 days in jail or a $100 fine if convicted.

What the Hell Theater

A male inmate in a maximum security unit at Maine's Cumberland County jail managed to squeeze out of his cell and crawl to a female detention unit for a scheduled tryst. The male, 23, a violent felon andfemale, 25, described as a Portland transient and assault suspect, managed to communicate to each other via the ventilation system, and set up the rendezvous. The man was caught crawling back to his cell. Prison officials say he made his bed up to appear he was sleeping during his "date." Jail officials blame proximity of the male and female units and "some lack of attention to detail" on the guards' part for the successful "date." Both inmates were moved to new locations; the male even earned a spot in the jail's "supermax" unit for his escape.

Des Moines, Iowa- a vehicle search after a traffic stop on Wednesday evening turned up possibly the creepiest wedding proposal kit ever. An officer had pulled over a driver for speeding and missing a license plate, and when the cop approached the driver, the newspaper says suspect Vincent Ballard began, “wafting his hand back and forth in front of himself like he was trying to disperse some smoke or an odor,” according to the police report. The odor was apparently marijuana, and the officer spotted counterfeit money and an alcoholic beverage near the driver, who allegedly gave several fake names before the officer determined the suspect's identity.The cop also found a backpack containing a black ski mask, leather gloves, chain handcuffs, a pocket knife, a police scanner, hypodermic needles -- and a diamond ring inside of a Zales jewelry box. The suspect -- who was arrested on multiple charges -- gave no reason for the bag's contents.

What the Hell Theater

A Cape Cod doctor's office is tying men's love of pizza to tying off their reproductive gear. According to Cape Cod Online, Urology Associates of Cape Cod is offering a free pizza with every vasectomy. The deal -- advertised with a cheeky local TV spot -- is also timed to March Madness. "Men need a few days of recovery after a vasectomy, so what could be better than hanging out on the couch, watching some hoops and chowing down a free pizza?" asked practice administrator Evan Cohen. As for the pie? "It does actually come with one topping. Maybe you can put some meatballs on it," joked Cohen.

A 15-year-old girl from Rogers, Arkansas thought it'd be funny to send a snarky text -- but she sure sent it to the wrong person. 40/29 News reported on Wednesday that the unidentified girl mimicked a message she saw on the social media site Pinterest which read, "When I'm bored, I send a text to a random number saying "I hid the body... now what?" She dialed, but the random number landed her in hot water. Out of 500,000-plus phone numbers in her 479 area code, she accidentally texted the message to a police detective. Cops traced the number and found the sender, who told them it was a joke. They let the prankster go with a warning.

What the Hell Theater

A would-be ID thief got nabbed when he tried to use the wrong credit card to pay for gas on Tuesday. ABC affiliate WHTM reports the clerk not only recognized 19-year-old Joshua Devonshire from school, but also her mom's name on the stolen card. The employee called the cops as Devonshire allegedly fled the store and drove away. Cops found him later sleeping in a car with an unidentified female. He reportedly admitted to trying to pass off the card and to related thefts from nearby vehicles, including from a car belonging to the clerk's mom's. Devonshire was sent to Lancaster County Prison pending $3,000 bond.

A Staten Island, New York man's morning routine was interrupted Tuesday when he spotted a four foot-long California Kingsnake watching him from his toilet. Allen Shepard was brushing his teeth when he saw the reptile, and according to SILive.com, he grabbed a bottle of Clorox cleaner and sprayed the snake. Not surprisingly, that didn't calm the snapping snake, so Shephard called his building's superintendent -- who didn't believe him at first, but who called a plumber. It took the plumber 30 minutes to pull the entire snake from the drain. It's thought the non-poisonous snake got into the plumbing from another apartment in the building, but no neighbors owned up to owning it, so was taken to a reptile sanctuary.

What the Hell Theater

A cash-strapped California little league team had been given a chance to play on, thanks in large part to a donation from a strip club, but the league now says their well-heeled high-heeled donors can keep their endowment. According to KTLA, the generosity of the dancers at the Jet Strip was refused by Little League President Roberto Aguirre. "We do not want the money from the strip club. I think, for us, we do need the money, but we will go some other avenue," Aguirre said. So the cash-strapped league will look elsewhere to combat skyrocketing school district baseball diamond fees, and the strip club's income will remain in crumpled dollar bills.

A Swedish man was already in trouble, accused of stealing gasoline using his car's specially-modified gas tank, when he allegedly stole a cop car, then another ride, and used that one to rescue his vehicle from the impound lot. The Local reports two men were detained by cops on suspicion of swiping diesel on Sunday, and when one suspect was being frisked, his accomplice jumped from the back of the squad car into the driver's seat of the officer's still-running cruiser and sped off. Police monitored the GPS-enabled vehicle, but lost track of it when the suspect apparently stole another vehicle, and used it to break his gas guzzler from the lot where cops impounded it. He was later captured at his mother's house, where he reportedly resisted arrest. Both men are thought to be linked to other gas thefts, according to local paper Bohusläningen.

What the Hell Theater

If you've already got an arrest record for theft and you're dumb enough to steal from a judge, don't post what you stole onto Facebook. That's the life lesson learned by 21-year-old Steven Mulhall, who popped a picture of himself holding a nameplate reading "Judge Michael J. Orlando" -- which Mulhall is accused of prying from the door of the judge's office at Broward Circuit courthouse on February 23rd. "The nameplate is like only $40, not that big of a crime, but what an idiot. He puts it on Facebook," said Broward County Sheriff Al Lamberti to the Sun Sentinel. "He violated the terms of his parole by stealing, from a judge no less. He's got multiple convictions for petty theft, so now this is a felony." A Crime Stoppers tip led the cops to Mulhall.

When Miami-area 7th grader Michael Bell Jr. brought home a bad report card, it was the last straw for his parents. His father gave him a sandwich board reading on the front: "Hey, I want to be a class clown, is it wrong?" and "I'm in the 7th grade and got 3 F's. Blow your horn if there's something wrong with that." Michael Bell Sr. then made the teen stand by the side of a busy roadway to advertise his academic shortcomings while his friends are living it up on spring break. Bell the younger failed three subjects and has gotten in trouble repeatedly this past semester, leaving his parents little recourse, they say. "Right now, this is the only thing I have left to try and reach him," his father tells WSVN-TV. The son seems to be learning his lesson: "I'm sorry that it has to get to this point and that when I get back to school, I'm going to do better," he promised WSVN.